Your face is a jimmy john
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
