We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
