Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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