If that was your dad, he is hot
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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