Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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