Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
