hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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