I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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