I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
