Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
