I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
