Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
