He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
