Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
