thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
