I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
