No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
