Walk of Shame. In a state park.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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