Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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