Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
