my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
