I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
