I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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