Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
