So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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