all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i believe in u and ur pee
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize