You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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