Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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