My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
