Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
