i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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