They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
