this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
