super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
