I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
