worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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