he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize