I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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