Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
