me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
They are going to name an STD after you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
