I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize