I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
