I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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