Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
