She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
being pregnant is like rehab
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
