she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
