three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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