I must be too annoying 4 u.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
