Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
