im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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