So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
