I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
