shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
