Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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