what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize