Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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