Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
