did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
