Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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