She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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