I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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