do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
