My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
