I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
