i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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