GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
