i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
