good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
