Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
