Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
