Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
