i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You ruined the universe
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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