I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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