My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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