The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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