Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
