Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
