Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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