I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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