I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
