"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
