Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
