Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
