my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
