TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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