i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
