you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
