I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
