There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
