Im at strip club and am horny
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
