The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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