mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
