apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
