Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Help. Why am I so naked?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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