You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
