my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
