Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
