Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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