i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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