Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
